I’m actually writing this on February 8.  I’ve been meaning to write it for weeks. It’s been delaying the “launch” of my blog for over a month now; I just haven’t been able to bring myself to do it.  Sigh. I’m coming to terms with the fact that I had a heart attack, yet thinking about or talking about what actually happened still makes me feel anxious.  Maybe you’re not supposed to share that part. Maybe it’s too private and would make people uncomfortable to hear. I don’t know.

One of the main points of the Time Lord section of this blog is to do just that, though: to share the parts people don’t share – because when I was faced with this giant new horrible thing, I couldn’t find very much info that was relevant to me, a youngish person with generally healthy habits and a million questions about what happened and what happens next.  Someone grimly reminded me recently that there’s a reason for that… few people actually survive The Widowmaker (what a dreadful name).  Also, not too many 43-year-old non-smoking, teetotalling, label-reading, organic-whole-food-eating vegetarians have heart attacks to begin with.

The other main point of this part of the blog is to give my friends and family a place to check in and see how I am doing since I am the Worst. Correspondent. Ever.   And because I so pathologically hate the telephone that until recently, when I started needing to know when doctors were calling, I’d had my ringer turned off for so long that I didn’t remember what my ring tone was. Now it is the theme from Harry Potter, except for my husband (Dr Who theme) and my brother (theme from Dexter).  Still, people, for the love of all that’s holy, please just text or email me.  I swear I will get it faster that way.

See that?  Three paragraphs and nary a word on what happened.  Procrastinating much?   Okay, Mitchell, I’m on to your delay tactics.  Get to the point.

So I guess here goes. Here’s the short version – just the facts, ma’am:

On December 2, 2013, I had a massive heart attack.  I had 100% obstruction of my Left Anterior Descending (LAD) coronary artery, which is routinely referred to as “The Widowmaker” because the most common result of it is sudden death.  Only a small percentage of the folks who have this particular flavor of heart trauma survive it. I’ve seen statistics cite the number as low as 3% and as high as 20%.   I think the key is how quickly you realize what is happening and get to a hospital.

The obstruction in my LAD deprived all the heart tissue downstream of getting oxygen for rather a long time. Things without oxygen die. By the time the doctors finally got me into an operating room, what they observed was the back half of my heart pumping away, trying to squish nice oxygenated blood out to the rest of my body. The front half of my heart wasn’t doing anything; it was still.  We’re not sure how much of the damage to my heart is going to be permanent.  I’m trying to be very compliant with all the doctors’ orders as to provide myself with the best chance for the majority of my heart to get back to doing what it’s supposed to do.  I’ll have a better idea of how well I’m doing when I get follow-up testing done in a couple of months.

I find the prospect of my heart not getting any better than it is now kind of terrifying. At the time of my actual writing of this, it’s been over 2 months and I still can’t make it up the steps in my house without getting really winded and, often, needing to sit down.  I go to Cardiac Rehab 3 times a week. I sometimes feel like I am making good progress. After 15 minutes on a treadmill, I am soaked with sweat and a little dizzy and I feel like I’ve run a marathon so my heart must be getting better. Then I look down at the display and see that I have walked less than half a mile.  Still, that is so much more than I could have done 2 months ago. I like to believe that it means I’m getting better. I wish we could do the tests now, though. I had a lot of plans for the balance of my life that require the ability to be able to ascend 7 steps without a rest. I’m really impatient to know if I need to start making different plans.